The attempt at lyrics here was inspired by this story –
The little girl had been good all year.Even in October when they took her to the “haunted house,” and it got a little scary.
So the mother asked her friend to write the little girl a letter from Santa.
The woman did and laid it on thick about how wonderful she was.
The mom got the letter, addressed it to the little girl and put a stamp on it.
Unfortunately, as soon as that was done, the little girl started to act up.
Some other children came over and she didn’t seem to appreciate her not getting all of the attention.
She was three.
The kids left and mom and dad took her to the mall to see Santa.
As soon as she got on his lap she told him in no uncertain terms,
“I hate Christmas.”
He shook that off, and asked her “Well, then, what do you want for Christmas?”
She told him, “A chainsaw!”
His jaw fell open.
After they got home and put her to bed, the mom said to the dad, “What do we do now? The letter
to Santa is already sealed.”Then she said, “Maybe I’ll just write something on the back of the envelope.”
She wrote, “Dear Emma Grace, I was very saddened to hear that you hate Christmas. But I forgive
you, and I hope you will be a better little girl than you were last night.”Then she signed it “Santa.”
And then below his name, she added:
“P.S. No Chainsaw!”
It’ll be a chainsaw Christmas from the break of dawn
I’ll start with the lights and crap out there on the lawn.
Then I’ll shred the mailbox before I leave the yard
So, I’ll never have to suffer another Christmas card.
Inside, me and my chainsaw will be as ferocious as we can be.
The lights will spark and fizzle as we chainsaw the Christmas tree.
We’ll sit and wait for “It’s a Wonderful Life” and take out the TV.
I hear roaring of the engine, the spinning clatter of the chain
as I take out sweaters and underwear and Johnny’s electric train.
It’ll be a chainsaw Christmas with shredded turkey and splattered ham
Flying mashed potatoes and pureed sprouts with yams
Yes, a chainsaw Chrismas, I’ve had all that I can take
and my chainsaw Christmas ended when I took on the fruitcake.
Tags: chainsaw, Christmas, Santa Claus
